i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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