My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
