Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
