you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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