For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
