1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
is wine microwaveable?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
