so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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