Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
