Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
