watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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