It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
two words: eviction party
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
