You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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