Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
