I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
