There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
