I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
