I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
