So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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