Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize