I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
