I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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