Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
