Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
