I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize