did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
