John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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