I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
