12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
