I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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