I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
