yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
