I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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