God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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