I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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