If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
