so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
