Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
