Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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