This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
