4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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