I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
