I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
