my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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