if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
