I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
