Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
