How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
