apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
