so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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