i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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