you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
