Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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