I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
