I just made out with a guy for $7.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
