I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
