She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
