she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize