Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
