I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize