apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize