sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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