Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just want to make out with him forever
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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