currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
