If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
