So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
