We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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