There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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