When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
