a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
