I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
