I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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