It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
