You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
two words: eviction party
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize