Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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