i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
